Searching

#thisisfostercare

I’m looking for the word that comes in-between “temporary” and “permanent.”

And is there an adjective for the feeling of this-could-be-either-one? It’s temporary, and it’s permanent. But also… it’s neither one of those things by itself.

And how long is “permanent” anyhow? I know it’s not always synonymous with ‘forever.’ Because sometimes I’m asked for my “permanent” address but, what they really want to know is, where can they find me right now and for the foreseeable future — and not implying that I will forever live in this one spot.

Also, I wonder… how much time has to pass before something turns from one to the other?

Most of all, though… I need to figure out how to live in these spaces. These would-be timelines, and possible-futures, and not-so-descript feelings.

It’s easy to talk about things like “the now” and “the present” when you have an idea of how life will basically go (or… when you have an idealistic view of how life will basically go). I’ve never been great at living in either one of those things, but I have been decent at idealising futures. Or… stressing about them before they’re here.

Life is a question mark.

Continue reading

Advertisements